hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
