how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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