i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I could fuck to npr.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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