Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
