Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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