I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
