You're my little dorito
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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