even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
His hands were made for my vagina.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
