this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
