I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
