so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
