You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
