Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
