Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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