I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
