Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
