I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
