Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
