I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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