OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
