you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
