This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
