idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
