I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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