so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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