His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
