her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
