dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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