we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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