quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
