Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
