to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
