you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
