people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
