he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
