Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
