I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
