Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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