You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
