Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
