Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
