I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
