i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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