im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
