dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
