I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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