I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
