I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
