he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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