i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
