I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
