Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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