I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
